I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im part way to drunk.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
