What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
