Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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