And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
