thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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