I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
