im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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