you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need water and some morals
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
