I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
