i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
