Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
