If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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