My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
