Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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