I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My pussy is not your playground.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
