I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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