Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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