The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
