I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
