thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
