I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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