I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
