I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
handjob tips. give me some.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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