I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
