your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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