I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
