You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
