I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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