did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's always time for handjobs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My vagina just clenched in fear
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
