so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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