I smell stomach acid.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
