I accidentally had phone sex last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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