not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
