I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
