i don't like sucking hair
Buhtt sex?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize