help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
