On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
