we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
