Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
