No stitches, just platelets and will power
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize