he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
