i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
