had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
