I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
