I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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