He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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