So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
