call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
