is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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