And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize