put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
