batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
