I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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