Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
