VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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