I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
