I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
