ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
