the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
