Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
