i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize