The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
