I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
