Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize