I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
