every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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